Things that I will miss the most about USA - part 2

Assalamualaikum wrt...

OK let's continue..=)

I WILL MISS...

the people..

I will definitely miss my American friends - even though not many =P..And I will definitely miss seeing American around...well, except during Friday night, and weekend night, and whenever they are not sober..=P..don't blame me.

MISG people - it's nice working with you guys..with the ups and downs we're in together..the beautiful ukhuwah will always be cherished..

to all Vandy people, I will definitely miss all 140-something of them...the Freshmen, Sophomores, Juniors...and oh, also including all the graduated super-seniors who knew me well or just so-so....and especially to my the SENIORS Class of 2010..we made it guys! We survived 4 years in USA =)..THANK YOU ALL! you guys taught me about life a lot! I mean A LOT!

Vanderbilt people...the largest Malaysian community in the USA =P

And to every single one who know me or I know them....mak cik Front Desk, Pak2 and Mak2 Guard waktu I kerja Reeve, Abang Obies, Pak Cik Ramadan, Mak Cik Rand,..I will definitely miss you guys too..haha

I WILL MISS...

Featheringhill Hall a.k.a. FGH, The Engineering School

This is where the Kampung Melayu of USA is..hehe..and no, I'm not exaggerating..all 140-something Malaysians in Vanderbilt study Engineering as undergraduates. I don't know what the Mat Salehs think, seeing us in that number.. a diverse environment? competition? threatened? and I definitely have no clue why JPA and MARA keep sending large number of students to Vandy each year even though Vandy is no cheap. I mean NO CHEAP - it's a private school. oh well, in anyway, I will certainly miss this building..and also other academic buildings I've studied in (I hope I don't sound nerdy =P)

I remembered having to sneak out from a 7pm-9pm exam, to pray Maghrib at a corner of the stair. Hoping no Mat Saleh will walk by me.

And I also remembered praying jemaah with a friend at a safe corner at FGH, and turned out it wasn't safe. We heard footsteps approaching us, and stopped and then walked away..haha.

I remembered got stuck in FGH because of the tornado, 2am in the morning...

and other countless memories..

Order of Engineer Ceremony..signing the ethics oath..almost an Engineer

I WILL MISS...

Working as a Front Desk Reeve =P

Besides the income, I profited a lot from this job. A good resume booster when you boost the words, all the soft skills gained and oh, I've also got used to wake up 12am or 4am in the morning and go to work. That gotta be useful one day right? =P. There's not much work for the job really, I just have to sit at the front desk and help people who needs to be helped.

While working in one of the Reeve Desk. 4pm-8pm shift

Countless good and bad memories. The bad ones are of course when I have to deal with drunk people, or rude people, or people with no patience. Oh well, people will always be people..There will be one or two security guards around during late hours, so I'm practically not alone. If I'm lucky, I'll manage to engage into beneficial conversation with the guard - interfaith issues, any issues. If I'm not lucky enough, I will have to engage into unwanted situations with the guard - unwanted long conversation when I have to study for exam, or guard who snores so loudly that I have to listen to songs so not to be awkward =P ..good memory..of course when paychecks arrive..=)))

to be continued...insyaAllah!

Things that I will miss the most about USA - part 1

Assalamualaikum wrt..

I think it's about time to write this kinda post..since I'm less than 1 month away from graduation and less than 2 months away from leaving USA... and Allah knows better whether or not I will have another chance to come back to USA..sobs2.. =(

So..I took inventory of the things that I'll miss about USA..(not particularly or chronologically in order..). One day, maybe 5-10 years from now insyaAllah, I want to be able to read this post and said to myself, "those were the days...=)" and maybe cry...haha.

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I WILL MISS..

Going on road trips with my friends..

I have to admit that I will miss this the most. Be it a road trip to AlMaghrib seminars, AlBayyinah classes, MISG programs, or just a chillin'-out trip with my peeps...the feeling and experience of going out there in a journey, with friends that I love, is certainly unforgettable. Most if not all of our road trips, we drove ourselves... 8-10 hours of drive is normal average for a road trip..I've been in longer ones: 14-15 hours..gosh =P..We usually take turns driving, and along the road we shared stories - intellectual and even non-intellectual ones haha..

Road trip to Canada for RIS (Reviving the Islamic Spirit) Convention..the bestest masyaAllah! =) the most iman-skyrocketing experience, longest roadtrip, farthest destination..wish had more moments like that!

Road trip from Atlanta -->Birmingham --> New Orleans --> Panama City. The last destination was totally an ad-hoc because New Orleans was devastated by Katrina Hurricane. So we planned for Plan B that night, and headed to Panama city the next morning. Oh and yeah.. I remembered we ate only Maggi's and junk food for a week or so, for financial reason. Ended up everyone had stomach ache..oh poor poor us =P

Road trip to Ohio State University for Tamrin OSU - one of the most unforgettable road trip ever. One of the dangerous I might say..one of the car (the car that I was in, and no I wasn't the one who's driving nasib baik..) spun like gasing in the middle of the highway, because of ice..I literally said my syahadah that time..laailaahailallah..near-death experience..what an experience!

Road trip to Washington DC for Eid Celebration at Malaysia Embassy - This one...had its own story too..we were the only all-sisters in one car..so we were practically being ditched by everyone else..=P. I remembered there was 7-8 other cars probably..and everytime, we were the last one to arrive at the destination..either kena tinggal, or tertinggal and got lost...sian..=P

Road trip to Atlanta, GA for AlMaghrib seminar - one of the AlMaghrib seminars I've attended...can't remember what's the class topic for this one....

Road trip to Hartford, CT for ICNA (Islamic Central North America) convention - I wouldn't say it's a road trip though..but more to 'air' trip =P..we went there by flight coz it's a 16-hour journey by car that we won't be able to afford financially and physically.This was also one of the unforgettable journey..Naziha and I (just the two of us)..finally decided to go to the conference, quite last minute, during school weekend..it's all worth it though. The experience, and definitely the knowledge obtained from the conference.

And..these are the earlier ones I've went to....

Road trip, Washington DC to Muktamar MISG-IMSA - My 2nd Muktamar...I was the co-driver, for 14 hours straight..but I pity the driver the most..driving for 14 hours straight...During the last days of the trip, we stayed at locals' houses. There were 5 cars for sisters so we splitted to 2 or 3 houses. Me and few other sisters stayed at a Muslim Kazakhztan's house..the auntie fed us very well..I meant too well! =P

Road trip to Ha Ha Tonka State Park, Missouri for STC MISG (Summer Training Camp) - It's an outdoory activity held by MISG..I just been to one, coz I wasn't in the USA for summer each time..the thing I remembered the most about this one is...it was so hot in the day that we have to cancel most of the activities..other than that, it was a great experience..=)

It was such an experience..car broke down, car towed-away for bad parking spot, left car keys in locked car, pulled-over by police, took the wrong highway for 2 hours, near-death experience and list goes on and on..

So these are SOME, not all of the road trips that I have been to, from 2007-2010. How I wish I can put all of the pictures here to relive all the sweet memories ..especially the earlier ones I went with the super seniors - Kak Ena, Kak Raihan and others..oh well, people say a picture tells 1000 words, but I say what more important is the memory..=)

I realized that it will be not as easy to go on road trips when I'm back in Malaysia. Why eh? I guess money will be a problem, safety and parents' permission... Thus, I definitely gonna miss every single moment I went to a road trip here in US, with every single person I've went the road trip with and of course the experience and knowledge I've gained throughout the journey..

High Expectations..Good? Bad?

Assalamualaikum wrt wbt...

Is it good to set high expectations?

Well, it depends for who and how high...

It's important to set high expectations for yourself..it helps you to work harder, achieve higher and make fuller use of your time. You will automatically work towards meeting those expectations, thus you are becoming more motivated day by day. Setting expectations in life and meeting them will definitely help to increase self-confidence and self-esteem. With a little success, you know you are capable of achieving something and thus you wanna do more. Although, one has to be careful not to set too high expectations because it could lead to detrimental effect, especially to one's self-esteem that is when the expectations failed to be met..Setting inappropriate expectations for yourself are setting up for failure..So..my deduction for this issue is..general rule of thumb: set high expectations, but know where to draw the line...

One might then ask, How do we know where's the line?

The key is to challenge yourself without 'overextending' yourself. You know your capabilities, thus you can set up your own appropriate level of expectations...for example: if you usually got C's in school, don't overextend yourself to get all A's in next exam..set B's first, then when you manage to achieve it, set higher for A's.

I guess the next big question mark is..is it appropriate to set high expectations for other people?

I don't know the answer to this question so I asked 'Sheikh Google':

Your Expectations of Others

Just as your expectations about yourself can be harmful, so too can high expectations about others. If you constantly hold others to an unattainable level of high expectations, you will constantly feel like people are letting you down. This may lead you to believe that others don't care about you or that you don't deserve the attention of friends and family members. As you start to apply manageable expectations to yourself, it will also be beneficial to do so to others.

Gosh....

A friend then said to me,

"don't expect much azni, dengan org slain dri sndiri takleh ada expectation tinggi. kecewa and sedih tinggi nanti..."

From now on, I should expect more of myself, and least for other person..YEaHH!!

dedicated to all parents and parent-to-be. Yes YOU!

Assalamualaikum wrt wbt..

I just had an emotional Sociology class today.

We were entering Chapter 13 in the book: Family. A topic which can means 'nothing' to some people, or 'something' to others..

It's definitely something to the professor...

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There are 7 Competent Parenting techniques, developed by a famous person (I failed to jot down the name =P). And they are:

1- Notice what your child is doing

This essentially means - stop everything else you're busy doing, and pay undivided attention to your child, especially during their infant years, and of course during the hard years.

2- Being able to see behaviors as they emerge by keeping track behaviors across time

Again - stop what you're busy doing, and give undivided attention to your children. Most parents failed to fulfill this as they are fully-occupied with their career life. Which is wrong! Parents have to watch their child and their child's behavior. Children do not behave 'all of the sudden' without any reason. For example, children do not develop tantrum suddenly unless something is bothering them. And it is parents' responsibility to recognize this behavior, why is it occurring and treat them. Or ideally, parents have to recognize this behavior at early stage before it becomes a habit to the child. Parents can stop the tantrum from being such and lead the energy to something positive. All of these require undivided attention from the parents.

tantrum

3- Act as you want your child to act, and don't act as you don't want your child to act

Children copy what their parents do and say. Parenting doesn't mean you have the privilege to do whatever you want to do when you're not allowed to when you were children. If you expect you children not to do something, then you don't do it, or at least don't do it in front of them (sounds hypocrite a bit). Even if it is allowed for them to do it as they get older, children don't know this and they don't wait. The professor gave example of drugs and alcohol. Many cases showed that children had their first drink not from their friends, but straight from home - their parents' drugs and alcohol. Similarly, do we expect our children to be polite and behave when we were screaming and yelling and behave oppositely as we expect them to be? Many said parenting is about disciplining the children. NO it is NOT. It is about disciplining the parents.

4 - Set realistic expectations that are age-appropriate for the child

This is important. We don't put too high bars which are inappropriate to our child's age and capability, else they will be confused, exhausted and creates disappointment. However if we put too low expectations, we are almost setting them up for failure. Putting expectations on children are like saying 'I trust you', 'I know you can do this', 'I think you are a responsible person'. It creates countless opportunity to children in developing their interpersonal skills.

5- Correct children when they don't meet our expectations

When our children did not meet our expectations, it is important that we let them know. We don't punish them physically or emotionally, instead we correct them. Ideally, the term 'spare the rod, spoil the child does not applied here. The professor gave a story of how a shepherd guards his sheep.

A flock of sheep has a guide animal in front of the group where the flock follows wherever it goes. The shepherd will usually stand in the middle or at the back of the flock, and holds a shepherd's rod. He uses this rod to touch the guide animal, at its left side or right side so it will go to that direction and the flock will follow. This is how the shepherd guides his flock of sheep. Now, imagine if he hits the guide animal with this rod. The guide animal will be scared and run away. And what happens to the flock? They will scatter away --exactly what will happen to children if we hit them.

If a child was hit, he will be scared and tend to conceal his behaviors from you. When this happen, you will not know their true behavior and thus you are not able to correct them. If you make mistake, which you will always do, humble yourself to your child and ask for forgiveness, and never do it again. A child remembers.

6- Affirm children when they meet our expectations

When children meets our expectations, we acknowledge them by reward. A reward doesn't have to be stuff, a reward is more rewarding by showing emotions. Say 'Good job', 'Keep it up', 'I am proud of you'. Children appreciate these words a lot compared to tangible stuff. I agree with this 200%

7- Deal with your child at THE moment (immediate), act as it never happen

If anything happens to your children, your children did something, good or bad, you have to deal with them at the moment. Correct them, and act as it never happen. And if something similar to it happen again which it will always do, do not say the past. The past is past. Don't say to them 'you did this yesterday, 5 days ago, last year..'. Just deal with the issue at that moment, and redeem.

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Why did I say it's an emotional class?

Because the professor broke down and cried at point no. 5 until the end of class.

She lost her only son. He died at least 1 year back.

Seeing her like that, and anything about family always breaks my heart - I broke down into tears also..

Self-reflective psychology

A very reflective speech by Sheikh Yassir Fazaga, about self-image psychology.

How we feel about ourselves determine how other people feels about us.

I loved lectures delivered by Sheikh Yassir Fazaga. Always on the point.

Try searching for others on Youtube.

My 8 hours diary..

Assalamualaikum wrt..

I am working 2 shifts back-to-back now, that means 8 hours straight from 12am to 8am..I don't know if I could manage it, but I know somehow I should. I don't want to make the hours go by empty, so I decided to make it beneficial by jotting down what I did and share it with you guys...Mind you, that these aren't my usual routine. The intention of this sharing is purely to encourage myself to be productive and to benefit everyone who read this post..and yeah, I'm also trying to stay awake...

so here goes...

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12.13am - Arrived to work. yeah..13 minutes late. I was lucky enough to get to go to work by car tonight, a friend was nice enough to lend me her car (actually she did not enjoy parking it at the garage, so she let me use the car instead. hehe). Unlucky for me though, only a few seconds away from Hank Ingram (my workplace), suddenly I saw in the rear view mirror, a glance of the unpleasantly familiar flashing blue light. Dang right it was the po po..Winding down my mirror, a young female police officer flashed her torchlight towards my face and said, "Ma'am, your brake light wasn't working. Can I see your license please..". With a sigh of relief, I handed my license coolly. The reason was expected, but the timing of such occurrence was not looked forward. I was late for work! But thank you Allah, I got out of the situation financially unharmed =)

(p/s: to the owners of the car, jangan marah eh I cerita ni kat sini..I love you girls so much la..=D)

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12.30am-1.00am - Facebooking

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1.00am-2.20am - I was blog-hopping from one blog to another. And I found this posted in one of my friend's..It's a khutbah delivered by my all-time favorite sheikh, Sheikh Yasir Qadhi. It was breathtaking as usual..

Some notes that I managed to jot down:

If you ask people what they want the most in life, they would say - Happiness. When we felt uneasy, have problems in life, we have to turn to Allah by worshiping Him, not turning to dunya. For example, when we came back from work and stressed out, we usually turn on the tv, get into social talk, or even backbiting, or visit other people. The things we did, might be haraam might be makruh..Compare this with the sirah of the prophet SAW, when problems afflicted him, he would RUSH to stand up and pray. He once said to bilaal "..oh Bilaal, we want to taste the sweetness of the prayer, do iqaamah quick..".

Once, Hassan Al Basri said, "..Seek happiness in life with one of 3 things - recitation of quran, zikir to Allah and in the solah. If you still do not find happiness, then the door of happiness has been shut for you, there is no other place to attain happiness..".

"There is a jannah in this world, the only way to enter jannah in the hereafter, is to enter the jannah in this world, and that the jannah in this world is the worship to Allah.."

[13:28] "Only through the rememberance of Allah, do hearts find rests.."

When we do good deeds, we are happy. ex: after we fast, after waking up for fajar, after reciting quran -- we tasted happiness. And the converse is also true - when we do sins, (and we always do), we feel that we become farther from Allah, changed our relationship with Allah. The only way to reach tranquility is to worship Allah.

Why do we let the world to seduce us? How many lectures, khutbah and nasihahs have to be told, so that we know? Tomorrow will never always arrive, what else do we need to convince us? How can we ask Allah for help when we don't deserved to be helped? For the sake of Allah, we must change, NOW, because we don't know if there is tomorrow...

We have to ask ourselves, "..what am I doing here? Allah SWT has given me 30, 40,50, 60 years to live." Ponder then act. Improve your life to be better. Only then we will reach tranquility, insyaAllah...

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2.20am-2.45am - A few minutes before I found the video, I read this article in Suhaib Webb's blog, the post was about 'How to Taste Sweetness in Solat'.. http://www.suhaibwebb.com/personaldvlpt/how-to-taste-the-sweetness-of-prayer/comment-page-1/#comment-15183

It was so reflecting and coincidently relevant to the video, I encouraged all to read it. An interesting story I excerpted from the article:

The Story of the Ansari and theMuhajir

In the sunan of Abu Dawud, it is narrated with a hasan (good) chain that in one of the battles, the Prophet ﷺ appointed two guards, one from theMuhajiroon and one from the Ansar. At one point, the Ansari got up to pray while the man from the Muhajiroon reclined in order to have a nap. A man from the mushrikeen(disbelievers) who was close by saw this, and fired a small arrow at the Ansari who was praying. It hit him, but the Ansari, with some difficulty, removed the arrow and continued praying as the blood seeped from him. The mushrik, upon seeing this, fired another arrow. The Ansari was able to remove it also and continued praying. However, the Ansari could not stand the pain of the third arrow and fell into rukoo’ (bowing) and sujood(prostration), and this is when the man of the Muhajiroon woke up, seeing his friend seeping with blood. Upon seeing this, the mushrik fled. “SubhanAllah! (Glory be to Allah!) Why didn’t you alert me when he first hit you?!” the Muhajir exclaimed. The reply of the Ansari was, “I was reciting a surah (chapter of the Qur’an) that I love, and I did not like to cut it off.” Allahu Akbar (Allah is great!) Imagine this person’s state in the salah(prayer).

I was also listening to this song (over and over again =P) when I read the article.. I was currently addicted to the song..(janji tau jangan gelak bila dengar..=P)

hehe =D

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2.45am-3.00am - Facebooking again..

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3.00am-3.45am - doing absolutely nothing....can't stop yawning . ok dah penat. but just half way way through. how lah? =P

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3.45am - I decided to browse through some universities' website while listening to nasyid songs.. (mostly Mirwana's =P..I wish I have their new album...hmm..)

I also found this article from a friend's FB (ops..FB again =P). It's about 'Signs of the Munafiquun'. A must-read article. Short, sweet and a bit scary I guess...let's go through the checklist: http://easyweb.easynet.co.uk/~baba/impiman/series10.html

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4.40am - A friend at the other side of the world was kind enough to let me join an usrah online yang dia attended. dengar through skype dia ajelah tapi..in the beginning, they discussed Surah Al-Mursalat [77:1-end]. Later, they were talking about 'Hizbullah yg sempurna dan lengkap'....quite a heavy topic for me..usrah peringkat tinggi ni..=P.but anyhow, I gained something from the session.

My messy note:

Ciri-ciri hizbullah: [Al-Maidah:54], ciri-ciri kepimpinan (sama seperti sifat Rasulullah)- Siddiq (membenarkan), Amanah, Tabligh (menyampaikan), Fatanah (bijaksana-softskill), ciri-ciri ahli syura: pengetahuan menyeluruh dgn kitab Allah dan sunnah disertai kesedaran dan pengalaman semasa. ciri-ciri tentera Allah (jundullah): kefahaman, taqwa (tasawwuf, tazkiyyatunnafs), taat (haraqi). Pemimpin bertanggungjawab memimpin ke arah kefahaman.

Kisah Hatib bin Abi Balta'ah, sahabat yang mendedahkan rahsia jemaah- menulis surat kepada kaum Quraisy di Makkah memberitahu perancangan Rasulullah s.a.w. untuk menyerang kaum musyrikin Quraisy secara mengejut. Ijtihad pada waktu tu tak melabel dia sebagai munafik kerana niatnya bukan utk menghancurkan Islam, tapi melindungi ahli keluarganya dari kaum Quraisy.

the complete story can be read here: http://usahmadawang.blogspot.com/2010/02/hatib-bin-abi-baltaah-sahabat-yang.html

There were lengthy discussions that I didn't jot down, either I didn't catch it, the contents were too confidential or simply I was too lazy and too sleepy to type it in...=/

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6.20am - My eyelids were getting heavier and heavier and heavier and heavier......("~_~). Chatted with mom and friends to avoid sleeping...

7.36am - As always, the final hour always feel like the longest one. hmm...

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8.00am - DONE! Alhamdulillah! =)

Istikharahlah kamu..

Often, we have to make major life-changing decisions: to change career or not, to go to graduate school or not, to move out or not, to get married or not..etc.

Istikaharah means to ask Allah to guide one to the right thing concerning any affair in one's life, especially when one has to choose between two PERMISSIBLE alternatives. Solat Istikharah is a sunnah. It is a prayer that one may pray if one must choose between two choices: it is two non-obligatory rakaat (that can be recited separately or in combination with the regular sunnah prayers or the prayer for entering the mosque[....]during any time of the day or night, and to recite therein whatever one wishes of the Quran (any surah) after reciting the Al-Fatihah. After the two rakaat, one praises Allah and sends salutations to the Prophet 'aSAW and recites the following doa:

The description of Salaat al-Istikhaarah was reported by Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah al-Salami (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said:

“The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to teach his companions to make istikhaarah in all things, just as he used to teach them soorahs from the Qur’aan. He said: ‘If any one of you is concerned about a decision he has to make, then let him pray two rak’ahs of non-obligatory prayer, then say:

(O Allaah, I seek Your guidance [in making a choice] by virtue of Your knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your great bounty. You have power, I have none. And You know, I know not. You are the Knower of hidden things. O Allaah, if in Your knowledge, this matter (then it should be mentioned by name) is good for me both in this world and in the Hereafter (or: in my religion, my livelihood and my affairs), then ordain it for me, make it easy for me, and bless it for me. And if in Your knowledge it is bad for me and for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs (or: for me both in this world and the next), then turn me away from it, [and turn it away from me], and ordain for me the good wherever it may be and make me pleased with it.”

(Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6841; similar reports are also recorded by al-Tirmidhi, al-Nisaa’i, Abu Dawood, Ibn Maajah and Ahmad).

An-Nawawi holds that "after performing the istikharah, a person must do what he/she is wholeheartedly inclined to do and feels good about doing and should not insist on doing what he/she had desired to do before making the istikharah. And if his/her feelings change, he should leave what he intended to do, otherwise he/she is not completely leaving the choice to Allah, and would not be honest in seeking aid from Allah's power and knowledge. Sincerity in seeking Allah's choice, means that one should completely leave what he/she him/herself had desired or determined."

Sources:

http://www.scribd.com/doc/6011623/howtopraysalatulistikhara, http://www.muslimconverts.com/prayer/How_to_pray_istikharah.htm